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Rin Tae - some parts of a never written diary View previous topic :: View next topic
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Rin Tae
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 6:46 pm Post subject: Rin Tae - some parts of a never written diary Reply with quote



Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Posts: 151
Location: around town

There it is. It´s a bit of an writing experiment, but I still hope you all enjoy it.

(and please excuse all the mistakes I haven´t found)

----------

Now updated because my little Rin has grown a bit. ... actually updated for the third time now.

enjoy!! Smile

----------


„Elena?“

I didn't respond. I´m laying in the bad. I´looking up with blind eyes not knowing what happened. All is blurry in my head. I´m not even sure, that this name is mine. It feels right, but it seem distant to me at the same time. Like something long lost and forgotten.

„Are you awake?“

I hear the voice again and I want to respond to it. Move a hand, open my eyes, see my parents standing beside my bed.

„Open your eyes.“, I hear the voice saying, „You are safe now.“

I would nod, but my body feels numb.

Dead.

Trapping me inside of it.

I remember how much I wanted to cry and to scream as I was laying there.

I remember the pain.

„Careful“ the voice is old and is speaking russian. Like my fathers but much older. It makes me remember a bit. A few things. Bits and pieces of my past.

My memories.

I see myself on my fathers knees. My small hands closing around the controls of the two engined aircraft we have been flying in. I´m laughing. I´m proud of myself as he is giving me his pilot glasses. They are soo big and I look ridiculous in them. I need to grow so much to be able to wear them, but I don´t care. They are mine and I see myself showing them to my mother. I´m telling her that I am a pilot now. I laugh and it feels like the greatest day in my life.

I hold those glasses in my hand later. I look at them and put them on walking towards the big four engined transport plane. Ready for my last flight.

In less then three hours I will be screaming in pain.

I wouldn't be there if I would have done what my mother told me.

I wouldn't be laying in this bed now.

I would be studying in some private university and be prepared for a life between the winners of the new world order.

Pain....

The happy times fade away.

The pictures in my mind change.

I see death and destruction. War and hunger. I learn, that only those ruthless and strong will survive.

I see what has become of the world I only knew out of books and old movies.

I see the effects of the war.

I see a changed world, but I have never seen the old one. This one vanished before my birth.

I see me at the controls of an aircraft again. Flaying low over the waves towards the southern cost of Japan. A ton of drugs behind me. It is the first time I´m flaying a tour alone. Something I will do more often from now on. I will be one of the ruthless and strong. This is what my parents teach me.

I´m to fallow their steps.

I try to scream, to move, to hide.

„It´s okay.“, the voice again, „You have to get used to your new body first.“

I don´t understand.

I just want to scream.

Just scream....

Days go by.

Slowly.

I see different people come and go. I see them enter the small, white room I lay in. I observe them looking at the machines connected to my body. Writing something down silently and sometimes looking at my body with this blank stare of people looking at a dead thing.

I can´t understand this.

What happened?

What have they done to me?

I still can´t speak or move. I can´t tell them how much fear I feel. How much I wish to be able to scream everything out of me.

It is like some sort of a bad dream.

I know it is real, but here I am. Laying in a hospital bed not able to move or to communicate with those people torturing me.

I want for this to end.

Now.

Now.

Now.

I hate them. I hate them all.

No.

Ivan is different. That is how the old russian called himself. A common name, easy to remember. A false name, but I don't care.

He is the only one who speaks with me. He is the only one who cares about me. He is the one who made me, but I hasn't known it in this moment. He is the one sitting at my side telling me what happened. Holding my hand and looking into my eyes as I silently scream at him to end my suffering.

My parents are dead.

My friends are dead.

My home is gone.

My life is gone.

All is gone.

I want to cry, but my body refuses to release the tears.

It tortures me.

It scares me.

It makes me angry.

It makes me sad.

It makes me want to kill myself.

Days later.

I lay there and see the white celling of the room. I smell the flowers and the fresh cold air. I lay there and wait for Ivan to walk into the room again. Death has refused to take me, so this is the only thing I can do.

He is visiting me a few times a day.

I´m his masterpiece, but that is something he hasn't told me yet.

He laughs. A warm and loud laugh.

I like to hear it.

„You knew where you are?“ he asked once.

I shake my head. Finally able to move a little bit.

„Do you knew what happened?“ he asked a few moments later and this time my head didn't moved. I knew what happened. Everything. Every little bit of the pain.

I make a sound.

Try to scream again as I remember the hot touch of the chemicals floating over my body. Burning it, destroying it,

I remember what happened before.

The crash. The big aircraft sliding through the slums in one of the huge ugly cities build by refugees hoping to find a better life on the other side of the Mediterranean Sea.

I remember my grip on the controls before this.

My panic.

My pain as the machine gun bullets pierce my already doomed aircraft. As they hit my legs, almost tearing them apart and covering my body with my copilots blood .

I want to touch them.

„It´s alright.“ Ivan speaks again. His voice soft and warm.

I like to hear it.

But this time, the memory is stronger.

The sounds of the warning lights as the planes wing bursts into flame. The violent shaking as the missile hit one of the engines. The horrific yelling of the self defence system failing to change the missiles deadly course.

I have looked at my copilot.

He looked back and we both knew, that this was the end.

We would die.

But for me it wasn't.

„You will soon be able to move again.“

Who knows.

I spend my days sitting in my wheelchair and looking out of the window.

Silently.

Not moving.

Thinking.

Thinking and reading.

Learning about what I have become, what I have lost and what gained.

I move my fingers sometimes. Watch the white skin move above the artificial muscles.

„You are unique.“, Ivan is standing behind me, „There are no machines and no computers inside of you as all is made with genetics and nanotechnology.“, he is moving around me, his eyes fall on my own without catching their attention, „The nanotubes framework as well as the artificial flesh covering it is my masterpiece. You have a body, I would not give to anybody else.“

He never said, why I was chosen by him.

I´m not special.

He seems to think I am.

I saw him working. When he moved me to his lab. He is showing me around the institute and explaining how everything works. How the equipment works. How to perform tests and how to use everything.

He is teaching me.

Everything.

I don´t understand why me, but he didn't seem to care about those questions. Whenever I asked him. He just looked at me and told me something else and I didn't had the power to ask him further. Later I have given up.

Even in my last night in the institute. When I was standing at a window staring outside at the white fields stretching hunderts of miles around the the hidden complex. He came to me that night. Put his big hand on my shoulder and stayed there without a word. He knew that I was leaving and he let me go without a word.

I stayed silent as well.

Maybe he would have answered my questions in this night, but I haven´t asked them. Maybe I didn't wanted to know.

It was roughly two months ago.

He walked into the training hall. I watched him as he watched me.

I see his smile.

I smile too and greet him politely.

I remember the lessons he has given me before. All what he said and wanted me to see and to remember.

I understand now.

I will be his tool.

Thats why he did it.

Whatever his plan is, I will be the one fulfilling it.

For good or bad.

I am his creation.

I am what he wants me to be.

I will be what he wants me to be.

I have no choice.

I feel it as I sit in the wheelchair watching the computer screens. The transformation of my body is not completed.

I shiver.

I feel the nanobots working in me. I feel them as I am sitting in the wheelchair and I feel them as I'm standing in the labratory in the Chimera bunker. Deep under Midian City. In my new home. I see the same pictures I saw in the institute. I work in my own lab now. I try to solve the mystery, and all I can see is, that the bots are still working.

I can´t stop them.

I don´t know how to control them.

„Your Soul will be able to control the change if it is strong enough.“ Emily told me. I like her a lot and she is one of those I told about me. About my questions. About my fears.

Since then I learned that I´m more then I thought.

I have more to fear now.

I have more to hope for too.

This is all so different.

I see the white blood slowly floating out of my arm as I cut it with a scalpel. I needed to see it. I needed to see the nanobots trying to use the blade of the scalpel to repair the demage. Taking it apart, like they took my human body apart. Rebuilding it in a plan only they knew of.

But they have no plan.

Ivan know it.

I´m just one pawn in it. Or am I the queen? A tower? A bishop?

He is the only one who knows and I´m his tool.

A feeling I knew very well.

I was always someones tool.

My mothers as she have send me to the best private schools to form me into a high society girl that would someday grand our family more influence by marrying into a family richer then ours was.

That was my task in her eyes.

My fathers as he wanted me to take over the business. Teaching me how to fly aircrafts and how to deal with our business partners. How to lead negotiations and how to act professional. Something I learned better then him. He was the one that was seduced by his own greed and my mother fallowed him willingly.

I look down at my bare feet as I sit in the institutes dining room. Alone. As always since the others are avoiding me.

I was alone then and I am alone now.

„It is better that way“ Ivan answered as I asked him about it.

I haven´t asked further.

Always believing.

There was nothing left I could return to so I had no choice then to believe in what he said. Telling myself, that he is right.

Believing myself even if I´m afraid of his plans.

But do he really has one?

I don´t know.

I think he has.

He has to have one.

I can´t explain it.

I know it.

I watch the shore as the small ship moves slowly towards Midian City.

I watch the shore and I know that I´m on my way to fulfil my role in this plan.

Markko said, that I was allowed to leave because Ivan wanted me to develop myself. To learn and to form freely in this cruel world. Maybe he was right, but I didn't knew it as I moved towards this infamous city.

This city has made me stronger. I feel it as I feel, that it has made me more dangerous too.

I have to deal with it.

I see me in a reflexion in one of the institutes big bulletproof windows, looking at the heavy rain hiding the outside world behind an impenetrable curtain:
„Me...“ I whisper. How much is left of the ´me´ I was before?

The same question I ask myself since then.

„Who caused all this?“ I remember myself asking Ivan even if I always knew the answer. I always knew, that my father has been finally betrayed by the gouvernement agents he was working for.

I´m still looking out into the rain. Ignoring it´s violent battle against the windows.

My father was stupid thinking he could change from smuggling to being a gouvernement contractor.

„Private Security Enterprise. Thats where the real money is.“ I hear him speek.

„Greedy bastard.“ I hear myself calling him.

„Don´t call him that.“, answered Ivan during one of our many talks, „He has done anything to protect you and brought you to me after your mothers suicide and fled before the agents hunting for him could fallow him to this place“

I hit the window. My arm is still weak.

„Careful“ it is Ivans voice in my head again. A memory of the moment I stood up from the wheelchair for the first time:
„Your body will evolve and become stronger with time“

I hit the window again and watch the spiderweb of cracks growing around my fist.

„Someday the nanotube framework of your bones and muscles will be several times harder then steel and much more flexible.“, lectured Ivan during the weeks I needed to learn how to walk again, „But it needs time to develop.“

I took my arm down.

It´s raining again as I start the engine of the car that would bring me away from the institute.

Finally.

I leave.

Where should I go?

I don´t care.

I never will.

Not true.

I´m standing on the broken bridge looking at the ugly and dirty city I learned to call home.

The wind moves my heavy kevlar coat and my black hair. My hands rests on the two big handguns on my hips. My eyes moves behind the black glasses I use to hide them.

I´m standing there and I feel how strong I am.

How strong I could be.

I see the people walking around.

I´m one of them.

I still think that I can´t escape Ivans plan, but I promise myself to look into his kind old eyes again.

I promise myself to thank him or to kill him.

I haven´t decided yet.

This is my plan now.


Last edited by Rin Tae on Fri Feb 08, 2008 10:14 am; edited 2 times in total
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Craven Umarov
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 9:18 pm Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 126
Location: Midian City

If you'd ask me about my opinion on it...
I think it is a very good way to describe Rin's past without telling too much and leaving room for further maintenance.
And I still believe you added mistakes willingly to give us something to laugh about, that's what I always do Wink
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Rin Tae
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 9:42 pm Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Posts: 151
Location: around town

yes Craven laugh at poor little Rins mistakes .... and then remeber what happened in the MC Twisted Evil
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Catrin Rossini
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 10:09 pm Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 181
Location: UK

See now I'm wondering what you two got up to in th MC after I left, if it was fun then I'm truely upset Crying or Very sad

I really enjoyed your bio Rin and it gives me lots of new and fresh ideas of how to get you to shout at Cat lol

I'm only here because the grid is down and I need my midian fix, I've been on a bit of a recruitment drive today and have found someone very interesting indeed.

Anyway, well done, keep us updated etc, love you!
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Craven Umarov
PostPosted: Tue Jul 24, 2007 11:15 pm Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 126
Location: Midian City

you told her not to shock me Catrin, but well....
after the cat has left......
I am still missing my right foot OOCly Wink
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Catrin Rossini
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 7:40 am Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 181
Location: UK

have to see what we can do about that foot, might get Jack tot ake a look see what can be done about it perhaps or fashion you some kind of rlooler skate (lol). Tell Rin when you shock someone there really is no need to be sat on their lap writhing about Craven, I know what she's like!
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theshadow
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 9:35 am Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 03 Jul 2007
Posts: 171
Location: US, PA

0_o
You got injured again Craven...? My god what do you do to keep getting messed up...?

Nice story Rin ^_^
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Catrin Rossini
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:18 am Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 27 Jun 2007
Posts: 181
Location: UK

I swear it wasn't my fault though this time!

Got a great photo of Craven with his kit off though covered in injuries! You didn't tell me you'd lost your foot though, ouch.
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Craven Umarov
PostPosted: Wed Jul 25, 2007 11:50 am Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 10 Jul 2007
Posts: 126
Location: Midian City

I lost the foot in ((OOC)) so, not IC, and believe me, you don't want to know what Rin did with it Twisted Evil
@ Shadow
I didn't get on last night, no need to worry
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Rin Tae
PostPosted: Mon Oct 22, 2007 2:22 pm Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Posts: 151
Location: around town

Done a little update work on my bio .. enjoy Very Happy
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Chug Dynamo
PostPosted: Tue Oct 30, 2007 8:02 pm Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 20 Mar 2007
Posts: 116
Location: Somewhere so remote you probably don't know about it

Cool story! Very Happy

I'm a lot more intrigued about Rin's past now after reading this, it's never been explored too much around me, I hope we learn more soon. Wink
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Rin Tae
PostPosted: Fri Feb 08, 2008 11:54 am Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Posts: 151
Location: around town

Another update ... I thought the bio needed to be worked on a bit here and there.
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Rin Tae
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 9:55 am Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 21 Jul 2007
Posts: 151
Location: around town

--update--update--update--
after a few weeks out of the city I have finally decided to return.
YAY!
have fun reading.
-------------------------------

It feels like years have passed as I decided to leave Midian City. Back then I was broken, almost loosing my fight to hold the nanobots in my body from changing me into a monster. I could not take it anymore. I had to leave before I would become a danger to everybody around me. To my friends. To the rest of the city, even when I don't care about them. Most of them could be killed and the only thing I would do is looking if some of the rotting corpses would have something interesting in their pockets.
This is what I became. I was fooling myself about it all the time. I was this monster I feared I would change into all along. It wasn't growing in me. It was me and the me I thought I was, was only a image. Memories of my lost human self.
Why fooling myself? I'm not human. I have lost it in the day I was brought into the institute by my father and changed. I'm not sure how much my father have known about what would happen there but I'm not starting to hate him just because the only way to safe my life was this almost undead existence.
"How are you feeling?" Ivans voice was almost like the first time I have heard it and even the situation was just like two years ago. When I have opened my eyes for the first time after the change.
But this time I have responded:
"Good." I answered. Other then before, I was fully aware about what happened. I could remember my despair. The weeks I spend searching for the institute. My mind was slipping into madness, but I kept walking on. I kept fallowing the hints Ivan was giving me so that I could find him. I stumbled forward. Not knowing what was laying before me. Not knowing if the next step would mean my death or if I would ever succeed in winning the fight I have already lost. But my slipping mind refused to accept it back then. I have been telling myself, that I still have a chance. That somehow I still could be human. That not all was lost.
But it all was futile.
I lost it. I let my mind slip away and finally submit to the monster I already was. I had no strength left to fight it off. I have not wanted to fight it off anymore. It was easier to give up. To welcome my true self.
"Are you understanding it now?" Ivan asked helping me out of the tank I spend the last three days in.
"Yes." was my answer. He found my broken self near the institutes hidden gates and took me in. Took me apart and back together again. Rebuild me for a second time. He took the last bits of my humanity away, but I don't hate him for it. It has lost it's value for me. It wasn't useful anymore. It wasn't needed anymore. My transformation was completed.
Elena, my human self was finally dead.
Rin, my true self was finally born.
"Yes, I understand it." I nodded and for the first time in my life I really felt like I could achieve everything. I was completed. My mind has found it's peace. The nanobots finally became a part of it. They assimilated what I was and I have assimilated them. I became one again. I became me.

Now I'm walking along the dirty streets of Midian City again. The only place I see as a home. The place I once fled to hoping to find my answers there. But what I found only lead to more questions. It made everything worse. It has broken me. It was where the monster was born and from all places on this planet this is the only one I hate.
But I'm here again.
It's my home. It's the only place I love. It is the only place I could return to. No matter the dangers lurking in the shadows, no matter the memories and the uncertain future.
One monster more in a city full of them. In a world ruled by them. In a future shaped by them.

I'm one of them.
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Aegyptia Elvehjem
PostPosted: Fri Sep 05, 2008 5:39 pm Post subject: Reply with quote



Joined: 13 Jun 2007
Posts: 1134
Location: incognito or Bangkok Records

((Welcome back Rin! It's good to see you return.))
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